Expanding your zone of comfort
Have you ever been in a situation where you are trying to do something that isn't your favorite? Maybe it was speaking German for the first time in a coffee shop. And as your hesitation is getting the better of you, someone tries to help and says, "Just do it, get out of your comfort zone!"? Would that be helpful for you?
Those were never words of encouragement for me. Sometimes, I would say, it even gave me a good reason to resist and stay in my comfort zone! But we know that trying new things, especially things that might scare us, are good for us to experience life. Okay, maybe it's good to hesitate if you want to jump from 2 stories into a lake without knowing how to swim, but that's not the fear/hesitation I'm talking about. (I realized that I wrote more than I thought, so I added a very brief tl;dr at the bottom.)
I'm talking about that hesitation that logically you know isn't really necessary. For example, you know your life isn't in danger if you forget how to say "Check please" in German or telling someone that you really really like them. But it sure does feel like the ground will open beneath your feet and swallow you whole. So what can a person do?
This is an approach that has helped me, but by no means is this the only way. Personally, I think the more strategies/tools you have the better, so that's why I'll share with you the idea of expanding your zone of comfort.
So what's the difference between getting out of your comfort zone and expanding your zone of comfort? Getting out of your comfort zone makes me think of something painful and even violent. I mean, imagine if you are in a verbal fight with someone and then you hear the other shout "Get out!"... not the greatest. So when I hear "getting out of your comfort zone", it already feels like it's going to hurt. And it's 1 more point/reason for avoiding the thing you don't want to do. But that's not what we want, we need points on the side of encouragement to jump into the fire, to speak German to the waiter or cashier.
Expanding your zone of comfort makes me think of a room. Think of it as your own private room. And part of the room, let's say you have things like pillows and comfy chairs that you want to sit in, or a nice flamingo lamp that not only let's you read at night, but also reminds you that tacky can be cool. These comfy things represent things that are easy and pleasant for you, like reading a sci-fi book, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or riding a bicycle. In other parts of the room, maybe it's not so nice. What if you have a table that has a broken leg, a really uncomfortable chair, and a pen that pricks you every time you pick it up? Are you going to go to write something down in that uncomfortable corner? Not me, that's for sure. Sometimes our ideas are those uncomfortable furniture in the room of our mind that stop us from sitting in that corner of the room.
When you think about speaking German in front of the waiter, you might be thinking. "I'm going to make a fool of myself," or, "They are just going to get impatient and I'll slow down their work with my very slow order, I don't want to be a bother to anyone." You are taking the situation and turning it into an uncomfortable experience, maybe a broken table in your room. But what if you could change the broken table into a better piece of furniture or a better idea that would make you want to try? Instead of thinking you are going to embarrass yourself, what if you think, "Wow, I'm about to get one small step closer to being fluent." or "One day I'll meet someone else that is going to be scared of speaking German, and I will be able to tell them that is the same way I felt and give them encouragement." or "Yes, I might be taking longer than a normal person ordering, but this will turn into good karma for the waiter who is patiently listening" or even "Yes, I might sound very ridiculous to the point the other might laugh, but that means I got a chance to make someone's day a little sillier."
I remember for the longest time, I would not even consider dancing. I have this one memory when I was around 11/12 years old at a group event, my friends were literally trying to pull me off the chair onto the dance floor. Of course my butt won the fight and I watched them dance from my new friend the chair. It's not like I didn't want to dance, I just couldn't bare to think of people watching me, judging me and laughing at me. Sometime down the line, I ended up discovering DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) at a local arcade (RIP Sports Plus) and I found a way to dance! Okay, so it was a video game with 4 buttons that you press to the rhythm of the techno music, but in my head, this was a way to dance in public. Fast forward to college and the idea of being afraid to dance was something that needed to go. And so I got rid of that old furniture ("You can't dance...people will laugh at you... you won't know what to do... you will die of embarrassment") and eventually replaced it with "Okay, most people are not looking at you, but thinking about themselves... Why would I care about the opinions of people that would make fun of someone doing something they enjoy?... I want to dance and have fun with my friends... It's going to feel great (eventually)". And eventually I (and a good friend of mine) just went and danced! And it wasn't terrible and I didn't die. And when you overcome a fear, you get more courage to conquer more!
A more recent small fear was starting a podcast. I would think, "There's nothing really that I can say... My voice is not that great to listen to...No one would want to be a guest...There's no way anyone would want to listen." Recently, I've decided that it's time to give it a go. A strong reason to let go or change the old/bad furniture in my room is becoming a mom. I'd like to be able to tell my daughter once she's old enough, that it's possible to do things even when they might seem scary. And more importantly, I'd like to be able to show her. Actions speak louder than words, so I've decided to put out a podcast episode out this month. Most likely it will be a simple introduction to the podcast, but it's a start. I've go the account set up and a first draft spoken, so I think I'll be able to have it ready in time, fingers crossed.
So I hope that was potentially helpful and/or entertaining for you. Feel free to comment below on your ways and methods for trying new things, especially if you overcame something related to learning a language!
tl;dr (too long;didn't read) Think about changing your ideas that allow you to feel more comfortable about trying something new (expanding your zone of comfort) rather than feeling like you need to fight to "get out of your comfort zone". For example: "I will make a fool of myself" to be replaced by "I am not going to be perfect, but by trying, I will get closer to being better."
